Monday, February 5, 2007

Alone again...

All sorts of BIG THINGS are going on--Jeff just left for Iraq, I'll be 40 soon, and I've been rather reflective lately.... Natalie googled some names--sent me some web pages of guys we went to high school with and when I googled my name all I came up with was some chick who shares my name and is an avid anti-abortion person--and a single statement I made on someone else's web page two years ago. Figured I should at least have my own web page. (BTW, I'll put my maiden name in here so it will come up in a search: Lisa Kay Appel.)

I'm feeling pretty good about my life--maybe those are funny words from someone whose husband has been out of the country most of the last three years and who is a good 75 to 90 pounds overweight and who is about to turn forty--but I feel happy most of the time. I feel successful. I feel like Jeff and I have this deployment thing down pretty good--our marriage is strong and we are, too. I've gained a lot of inner strength and independence in the last few years. And Jeff really loves what he does--those young guys really look up to him. The weight thing is temporary (ten years is temporary, right?)--I think I have reverse anorexia--I eat all the time and still think of myself as thin--at least until I get a good look at myself in a mirror. That needs to come off this year. Diet starts today....

And about this whole "40" thing. I feel like the next decade is going to be my best. I waited forever to be a mother--and now I have 4 beautiful children. And hopefully we will find the last two children to complete our family in the next few months. With Jeff's support (figuratively and financially), I've had the chance to pursue several entepreneurial ventures--and my next step is a Stampin' Up demonstrator. I'm gonna love this! I feel like I'm finally coming into balance with my creative side, my maternal side, my self as a responsible adult, and my self as a wife. I have time alone, and I have time with my children and other people I love. Being married gives me the core "wholeness" of knowing that part of my life is taken care of. I'm not "looking" or "searching" anymore.... My mom is energetic and interesting at 60--I feel like I have plenty of time to get a college degree--take the next step towards who I am becoming....

Enough words for now--I need to figure out how to post pictures to keep myself honest with my weight loss....

1 Comments:

At March 2, 2007 at 3:35 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

"I think I have reverse anorexia--I eat all the time and still think of myself as thin-"
ME TOO!
I'm only about 30 pounds overweight but when i look in the mirror, I still see my skinny 114 pound self. It's only when i look at old photos of me that i realize how fat I've gotten.

 

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